im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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