My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
