I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
