I heard we made out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
