I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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