I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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