Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
