Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
