dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
