Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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