Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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