yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
