We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
