Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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