I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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