You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
