I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
is that a dick in a sweater?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
