Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
