hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
