god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize