So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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