I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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