so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
