I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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