Can i not drive my cunt home
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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