Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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