Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
