google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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