I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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