Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
