i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk is not a location!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
