why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its not stalking. its research.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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