You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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