I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize