If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
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When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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