just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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