Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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