while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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