Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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