He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was confusing and full of hummus
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
