Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
