I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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