she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need to calm my uterus...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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