i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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