White coat. Heels.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize