I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
