i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
