found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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