girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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