So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
