Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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