i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
NoShamevember. You game?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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