i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
