This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i barfeds in our rink
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
