i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize