you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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