I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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